My mind, my thoughts, my words

Tantra & sex.

We spent an afternoon at my place, giving each other massages. Was it him, or was it us? His every touch felt like it was from out of this world. He didn’t stop at my back, he wandered down to my legs. In between my legs. I was still wearing my underwear. He applied pressure on points around my labias. I still thought this was merely part of an amazing advanced massage of some kind – acupressure, shiatsu, who knows – and wasn’t gonna go any further. I closed my eyes and let the sensations take over. I was highly aroused, relaxed, and suddenly my head started spinning, as if I was on a roller coaster or tripping really hard. It felt confusing, and yet so amazing. If only this could never end… but nothing lasts forever. I mean, he’s just a human being too, eventually his hands would get tired!

I sat back up on the floor. He was smiling and grinning, pleased with the enjoyment he had made me experience. As I was putting on my top he asked, with a cheeky smile on his face, whether I had ever heard of tantra. More or less, was my response. It wasn’t actually sex, it was more like an energy exchange, he added. He said that I seemed like the kind of person who might want to try it – and I agreed, there’s few things I wouldn’t give a go.

I asked whether it was better for me to keep my top off, he smirked – it would probably help. He directed me to sit in his lap, my legs wrapped around his hips. I had to breathe in, taking energy from my genitals into my chest, and then exhale that energy into him. My face was nestled next to his face, my lips now and then touching his skin. He would inhale my energy and repeat the cycle. I never would’ve thought breathing could be so intense. Maybe it was just the attraction, the intimacy, or the unknown, but I could feel the sexual energy between us, connecting and arousing us.
We started breathing into each other’s mouths, our lips barely touching. We kissed, so unexpectedly and yet so naturally, and kept breathing. I don’t know how much time passed until he asked whether I wanted to try the “advanced stage” of tantra. I nodded.

It was some of the most unforgettable and passionate sex I’ve ever had. It lasted hours and continued for a few days until I moved away. This introduction to tantric sex felt like an awakening, an eye opener to energies that we all possess, and that we can learn to use in different ways…

From ancient to modern times

In my last post I described a personal experience I had with tantric sex. Tantra’s association with sex in the Western world, however, is far from what Tantra means to Buddhists, Hindus, and Jains who practice Tantra. Tantra is an esoteric practice and ritualistic religion.

The term Tantra first appeared in Hindu philosophy. It described independence, or a person who is his own weaver/his own master.


Tantra was brought to life through practices (magical spells, violence, mind-altering substances, sex) that had been removed from Hinduism, Yoga, Buddhism and Jainism. With tantras (esoteric texts), a new world view formed.
Tantric texts stated things such as

  • Reality is an expression of divine energies
  • When you’re born, you flow out from the unmanifest Godhead; enlightenment is when you flow back
  • Reality is an expression of divine energy, therefore, reality can be used to reach the divine
  • The body is used as a spiritual tool

There were two kinds of Tantra

Dakshinachara (right-hand Tantric practitioners): more ‘civil’ used chanting, breathwork, visualisation, and adhered to mainstream values (vegetarians, no alcohol or drugs, no sexual rituals).

Vamachara (left-hand Tantric practitioners): A small minority, embraced ‘taboo’ practices such as meat-eating, animal and human sacrifice, used alcohol and drugs, and had sexual rituals. In sexual rituals, a woman was seen as a female deity. She was an object of worship that was being used and dominated, as for example the text Brihat Nila Tantra exemplifies. The preferred woman was young, beautiful, and without social power (so she could be bought/kidnapped/seduced without repercussions). The underlying idea was that engaging in such practices would allow to tap hidden powers, to be able to unite with the divine in order to gain magical powers, physical vitality, and even immortality!

MODERN TANTRA – world views

The path in Tantra is transformation and liberation. Everything is divine. Enlightenment (a change in one’s mind, emotions and body – for they are not separate) can be achieved without rejecting the world, and Tantric goals are therefore achievable in your lifetime.

Tantric  sex

Ancient Tantra had little to do with love, intimacy, sexual healing, or enjoying one’s body. At best, the world view that everything is sacred is applied in Neo-Tantra. Tantric/spiritual sex promises that breath, body work and meditation can lead to sexual healing, promote intimacy and love, and improve orgasmic intensity.

Tantric sex can be seen as weaving together man to woman, the physical to the spiritual, and humanity to the divine. Westernised tantric sex focuses on slow, non-orgasmic sex. Tantric sex entails a set of rituals that enable people to stimulate and then control their physical, mental and emotional being in order to experience intense pleasure. I think that most people experience “tantric sex” at some point in their lives, albeit unconsciously. I believe that everything contains energy, and during sex, you exchange energy. Tantra enhances the energy exchange, in particular during “foreplay”. With some people you have a stronger connection than with others, which will intensify your energies and your energy exchange – or the “weaving into each other”; part of the reason you probably wouldn’t want to have tantric sex with a stranger, but instead with someone who you know and trust (and love).

I would define tantra as: Long, intense, detailed foreplay in which you connect on more than just a physical level by focusing on your and your partner’s sensations and feelings. You build up so much sexual tension you can call it “sex” even though actual intercourse is not required.


I am new to tantra myself so rather than me telling you how I had tantric sex, or copy-pasting someone else’s instructions, I’d like to direct you to this website which I find explains the steps pretty well.


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This entry was posted on 09/12/2018 by in Sex and Relationships and tagged , , , , , .
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