My mind, my thoughts, my words

On the hunt

When you look around, there’s the kind of people who seem to go for committed relationships, and the kind that cares less about the person and more so about their genitals. Watching the movie Zulu a while ago and seeing Brian (Orlando Bloom – refreshing character role for him!) have one girl after the other stay over I felt like I could never do that, even if for some reason I wanted to.

Gender differences?

I know a few guys who’ve had relationships before but then enjoyed their single life sleeping around (until perhaps a special one comes around in the right circumstances). Every man’s dream, independence, freedom and sex? Is it just girls that attach easily and want to dedicate their love (and eggs) to one man? Obviously there are player girls and men that don’t want to sleep around, but I believe those may be a bit less common.

chasingEvolutionary it makes sense for men wanting to bang whatever comes along: they want to procreate, and by thinking with their penises they have a higher chance of doing so. Women on the other hand are the ones getting pregnant, having to carry a child in their womb for many months, and then nurture it for many years – it would be smart to have someone at their side to do this with.

Should every women fear that their partner is just d-driven?

From several men I know that it is difficult to imagine only seeing one vagina for the rest of their lives. Even the most faithful and loving men will look at other women. It’s not like women don’t look at other men at all either. There are so many attractive people out there!

So how does it work if a woman seems special enough for a man to get into a relationship with her? She will want to stay with him, and he will eventually want to get out of the relationship because it has been too long since he last felt up another woman? Will it constantly feel like you are competing with possible options? Especially now that he has had you and knows your faults, other options might become more appealing.

Well, not all men are the same, and as I mentioned before, in different life circumstances they may want different things. It’s not like there are no benefits to staying with the same person. And the right kind of partner may just turn their heads around.

So?

It sounds appealing to just get your sexual needs met by sleeping with a bunch of different people whilst living your life the way you want, without having to make compromises with a partner. A relationship can be a bit restricting in that you can’t just do what you want but you have to consider someone else in many decisions you make. After a while of knowing them some of their habits or personality aspects might make you want to send them to the moon. And giving your heart away to someone special also means that they are the one who can hurt you the most.

Why would you want to be committed then? When you meet someone amazing and you fall for them you don’t want to just let them go. You love and you are loved. There’s a constant in your life, someone who is there for you whenever you might need them. Despite differences you most likely share things with your partner, like hobbies that you can practice together. You have more sex than most uncommitted people, even if the sex decreases over time. It is like family (with the only unfortunate difference that this family can break…), and it gives you the chance to extend it (aka make babies).

Open relationship?

Why not have it all, a relationship and sleep around? Well, may work for some and not for others. Personally, I see nothing but potential problems. Jealousy would very likely creep up in one way or another (here an interesting article of a first hand account) and there goes the relationship. I know a girl who’s been with her boyfriend for five years and then left to travel for almost a year. He said he’d be happy for her to have casual sex with other men as she should enjoy her time away. (Can you not enjoy your time without having sex with strangers?) Anyway, she ended up doing it and now guilt is plaguing her – should she tell him or not, if she did he might get angry even though he “allowed” her to do it (perhaps he just wanted to be a good boyfriend by telling her so but secretly hoped she wouldn’t – although I think a girl would be more likely to do this than a guy), or accept it but then keep wondering who and how they were (also maybe more of a girl thing?). If she didn’t she might keep thinking about it and have a secret…

Bottom line

Even if your partner looks at other people and fantasizes about sleeping around does not mean that he wants to do it (anytime soon).

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This entry was posted on 05/07/2015 by in Miscellaneous, Psychological Issues and tagged , , , , , .
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