My mind, my thoughts, my words

Many or Few Fish in the Sea

Two comments make me write this post today.

A long time ago, a (male) friend said:

You can fall in love with anyone, you just have to give them a chance, anyone can become special to you.

And my dad only a few days ago messaged, upon me saying that I was back far away from my boyfriend (LDR) which sucked:

Those long-distance relationships, would be interesting to examine why there are couples that commit to such a relationship while they could just have a partner next door.

Both of them are more experienced than me in terms of life and relationships, but I don’t agree with them.

Firstly: nobody is and feels the same. I don’t believe that anyone, no matter what personality, could fall in love with anyone. You are drawn to certain kinds of people and not to others. There’s a lot of things that come into play: appearance, personality, and upon getting to know each other better several other factors that make you stay or might potentially push you away if you can’t deal with certain things or differences. That is, there are probably people in the city that I currently live in that I might be compatible with on some levels – but secondly: no-one is the same. Those ‘potentials’ here will all have different characters and personalities. And it just so happens that I met someone who I am extremely attracted to, who has become my best friend, who understands me for the most part and vice versa, who doesn’t have quirks that I’d notice/couldn’t live with and who seems to accept/look past mine, who I share the same mentality with, similar lifestyle and goals. He is unique, like anyone of us. Even if I might be compatible with some other people, they might be anywhere around the world and I might never even meet then. And thirdly, most importantly: Love is a mystery, or in other words, love is not necessarily about compatibility. It is true that assortative mating is common on a range of characteristics, but some people fall in love with people who are the complete opposite to them, maybe that’s why they are drawn to them. At any rate, there are bound to be differences within couples yet love makes you accept these, work with each other and work on yourselves. At the end of the day there is no one formula that works for everyone. Mr Right could be anybody and several bodies – the same person for a long time or different people for shorter periods of time, depending on how you and your significant other change, how you communicate with each other and nourish your relationship – as my mum once said: Love is like a plant that has to be nourished and cherished.

When I first met my boyfriend, I somewhat wished there was a rule book I could follow, coz I had no clue how a relationship ‘was meant to work’. Soon I realised, any rules are made up from scratch in each relationship. Everyone is different, wants different things, and handles things differently. And that is the beauty of life, isn’t it, that we’re all different kinds of fish in the sea, so any person is inherently interesting for the fact that they differ to you, no matter whether you end up befriending, loving, or disliking them.

Also see (your brain) in love


One comment on “Many or Few Fish in the Sea

  1. Pingback: Why tie the knot, or why not? | My mind, my thoughts, my words

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This entry was posted on 20/01/2014 by in Favourite posts, Miscellaneous, Psychological Issues and tagged , , , , , .
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