Lolita is a popular book by Vladimir Nabokov. The protagonist, Humbert Humbert, falls for a 9-year old girl, Dolores, who he gives the nickname Lolita. To stay close to her he marries her mother after whose death he becomes Lolita’s only guardian and the two develop a sexual relationship.
The book is rather ‘odd’ and controversial and it made me think more about age difference. Does it matter?
My father is 11 years older than my mother. It didn’t work out. My sister was married to a 12-years older man – they divorced after 5 years.
Considering myself, I’ve always just been interested into guys in my age group (i.e. 1-3 years older than me) (as in ‘realistic’ crushes, not like fancying Johnny Depp & Co😉 ), and biologically/evolutionary this makes sense: If a girl chose a man who was much older he’d die sooner and wouldn’t be able to ‘protect’ her and their offspring. Or, if a young man got involved with a woman who was past her fertile years, they would not be able to reproduce together.
Due to industrialisation and the revolution of medicine, however, things have changed. People more frequently have relationships with much older or younger people. This resembles different kinds of sexuality, i.e. you don’t necessarily like a person for their gender; therefore why should age matter? It’s about who the person is.
Nevertheless, people change and age usually has a great effect on people. Between 20 and 30 you may have the same ambitions and goals in life; education, finding a job, getting into your job, enjoying life, going on adventures, travelling… Sooner or later however there often comes the point where people want to settle down and create a family. Thus, if you are 20 and your partner 27 it may work perfectly fine, but when he is 34 and you 27 things might change and your interests might become more distant. This might or might not cause problems.
In the end, it just depends on the individuals…
ps: have I yet told you about my wax-saucepan-lid theory? If you don’t know it yet: Basically, you are a saucepan and there’s millions of lids around you. Many may fit quite well, some maybe perfectly. However, you are all made of wax and deform slightly from time to time due to contextual conditions. So at some point that one lid might not fit at all any more, however another one might fit extremely well. You and your lid might also deform in the same ways though…