Ever since I can remember, I haven’t been particularly happy with my name (Gina). I used to make up names (like, really. Say, “Mukarabinkidu” (may be a name somewhere around the world, but made up in my eyes)) and tell people I was called like that. However, at the end of the day, my actual name stayed the same and I had to live with it, as most of us do.
A good question is; what does a name mean? Can it really define you? Surely not as there are many people with the same name – be it first name, surname or even the whole combination. Can you say a person looks like a “Laura” or a “Steven”? I personally do think that some names suit particular people I know, but then, that’s just subjective. (See this post)
Then, do I look like a Gina? Sometimes it feels quite odd when someone calls me by my (first) name. Is that me? No, it’s just a word used to refer to that individual that is me. Comparing me with others that share my first name – do we have anything in common? I doubt it.
I have come to terms with my first name, but my surname keeps bothering me.
The last name, at least in our society, somewhat connects you to your family and ancestors. I have felt like drifting away from my family. Maybe keeping my name the way it is would be a nice way to ‘stay connected’? The thing is though, that I don’t really want to. I’ve never really felt like one of them. (That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them!) Furthermore, I just really don’t like my surname. Neither do I like its meaning nor its sound. Unfortunately, in my home country it is not as simply as in the UK to (legally) change one’s name.
Oh well. I could probably spend my time more wisely instead of pondering about my name. It’s just a string of letters in the end, isn’t it, doesn’t tell you anything about me, does it! (After all, I didn’t choose it myself 😉 )